Mama called the doctor

little sister had yet ANOTHER doctor's appointment last week.

first things first,

 here are here stats:

she is 16 lbs even.

she is 27 inches long.

she has double ear infections.

she won't eat solid food.

she is 6 months old.

come again???

i know.. 

it's shocking.

most of the time i am still in awe of my own life.

 somewhere between 2007-2009 i became this full fledged mother who listens to Taylor Swift songs and no longer thinks of myself but instead of my daughters... this mother who enjoys day-time TV, diet coke (not really..i'm more of a Sprite gal myself, but you get the point...), and trips to Target. 

while waiting for Poppy to be called back i glanced around the room, saw my own toddler bossing others at the fish tank, dutifully made chit-chat with the other Mom's waiting, all the while rocking a fussy Poppy as i mentally contemplated the logistics of sneaking in an uncomfortable, and public nursing session. before i had a chance to snatch Minie from practically climbing in the fish tank, 

out of no where,

 this huge dose of reality hit me.. 

i

am

a 

mother.

WHEN did this happen?

having Minie has always been fantastic. she was such an easy baby. my pregnancy with her was so fun and exciting, and when she finally arrived it was like i was playing house.  she was here, she was my child, but i was still me... i was still Brooke.  i was just plus one darling new accessory.

 and i thought i had it figured out.

and then Miss. Louise arrived. and my life was unrecognizable.

i remember the first morning, about 2 weeks out, when i had to man caring for two children all alone. there were a lot of tears.. and A LOT of doubt. doing the minimum took all day. as that day turned into weeks, i quickly realized that my life no longer ran on MY schedule. dishes sat unwashed, laundry unfolded, the house untidy.  most days ended in tears... either Minie's, Poppy's, or my own.. and most normally all of the above. 

i figure somewhere along the way i must of learned the acceptance of all of that.. and i suppose somewhere in that undertaking i was given my own stamp of motherhood without even realizing it.

newborns are hard...

they are these little strangers that seem familiar but don't quite fit in. am i horrible for admitting this??

maybe.

probably..

but,

sitting in that doctor's office i looked down at my babies, 

unwashed hair, baggy eyelids and all,

 and i felt so proud. 

none of my mayhem has changed.. if anything, it has amplified..

but i can do it. and i am happy. and there is nowhere i would rather be. i finally feel like i am part of this exclusive club. 

the one where complete strangers can gab about labor and delivery, stretch marks, ear aches, feeding habits, who was on Ellen, how to find "me" time, and whose blog we enjoy reading most.

these things seem silly.. but they mean the world to me. they are signs that i am a Mom..

and that fussy little newborn,

that surprise of a pregnancy,

that beautiful dark -haired mystery...

well...

she has turned into

my definining moment,

my patience,

my heart,

my daughter.

and what is not to love?