oh. my. word...

 

breathe...breathe.

yes, this is me, brooke, and i am updating. 

unreal right? well freak... there is only so long a girl can go.

i am so incredibly far behind on my blogging life i can't even fathom catching up. remember how i was talking for a while about a really cute addition to the family? well she is still here .. and we actually quite love her. sooo..stick around and i might even update about her some a little too.

*sigh*... i feel sheepish. this post doesn't even have much excitement except for photo documentation of some any day a few weeks back... the girls are still in sleeveless so i'm guessing these photos could date as far back as august?? regardless.. this is what any given afternoon may look like at our house. and i pretty sure the baby was napping..

at least their cute, right?

   

 

   

 

w

  

life is happy, busy, good.

 

here's to hoping i come back again soon!

 

her arrival

well i am finally here. i have been reveling in my billie this past month and haven't really been in much mood to share. it has been newborn heaven really.. and slightly some little girl hell. three kids has been an adjustment... but i feel so happy we thought 2 wasn't enough. billie is perfect.

so shall we jot her birth story down?  it's tradition, so why not?
let's see...
just like all my deliveries before miss billie arrived when i was 38.6 weeks pregnant. that's weird, right? each and every time felt too long and on monday the 16th of April i knew it had to be last day being pregnant. i finished up my last baby/hospital stay purchases, had lunch with kennan, and even took the kids to the aquarium. dustin had plans to go to the Jazz game that night and sure enough just as he we headed out i had my first contractions. they weren't consistent and weren't terribly painful but i tried to keep a hopeful frame of mind. dustin left, and really the night was mostly uneventful from there. before diiner i sneezed and thought i peed my pants.. sadly not something terribly uncommon the end of this pregnancy. i changed clothes not really thinking much of it and i got the girls in bed and folded some laundry. contractions were coming but still not consistent. i had two or three really painful ones but then nothing. finally dustin came home and i ruefully decided we should just go to bed. as you can guess sleep never came and at about 2:00 AM i was in some pain. i got in the tub to see if that would help.. and really from there it was a blur. poppy and minie both woke up at about 2:15 AM and after the tub i was continuously leaking fluid. contractions were coming, but not consistent. i finally just decided we better head to the hospital because we now live about 45 minutes away and poppy had come so fast. the girls were wired, and when dustin's parents arrived at our house at about 3 AM they were ready to party. ugh... this is all just from what i'm told because in all actuality we left our house about 2 minutes BEFORE steve and alice arrived. i know.. parents of the year. but in my defense i was pretty sure my water had broken at that point and i was pushing a little with out realizing it with each contraction.
well we finally arrived at labor and delivery and i knew i was in labor at this point. i was quickly escorted back to a room and after a quick check it was determined i was six centimeters dilated, 90% effaced, and my water had indeed broken. i was demanding an epidural because there ain't no way in HELL this lady was about to experience child birth au-natural. they called my doc, but what do you know at 4 AM he wasn't picking up. right as my epidural was being placed i was in transisiton. and just like with pops, after they placed it i was already to a 10 and ready to push. they informed me my OB whom i love, wasn't going to make it. i was a little disheartened but very ready to have a baby so i didn't dwell too long. well in walked the on-call OB who works with my doctor.  after some small chit chat introducing ourselves and watching me have what was looking like a text book delivery, he asked if dustin wanted to deliver. say what? suprisingly dustin was on board and before i had much say in the matter dustin was suited up and receiving instruction on how to bring our third daughter into the world. it was actually kind of cool... and i was just thankful i had invited my mom and kennan at the point. someone had to help hold my legs! after two rounds of pushing, billie quickly made her arrival. excuse me... her hair! every person in the room could hardly get past it. how did dustin and i create that? but i loved this new little one with a love i didn't know possible. she made a few wimpers, and had a hard time stabilizing her blood sugar.. but after a little persuading she came around. she was perfect. she is perfect.
life has been shaky since that day. being a mom for the third time feels very natural, but very scary. when i really think about it i want to cry. what did i really do here? how do women really do this? but most days i try not think and just do. and it's working.. life is slowly back to normal and miss billie brings such joy to our life, hard or not, i can't fathom life without her.

here are some photos of her arrival and the hospital stay afterward. we had so much support from all of our friends and family the whole experience through and truly, honestly feel so blessed.

 
dustin suiting up... i love how serious he looks.
lol.
  
she's here.
 
  
 

 

some immediate face time with paige. pretty sure i hadn't even finished delivering yet. 

big deal... she and i did this together.

she had her Dex just 42 hours later!

 

feeling so grateful to have her out

  
her first visitors
  
all three baby girls for the first time
 
 it's love

 

miss billie barue.. we adore you.

it happened

my billie elizabeth arrived.

4.17.2012
4:35 AM

21 inches 

7 lbs 3oz 

of sheer amazingness.

we couldn't love her more.

a little girl and her nursery

  every girl of mine shall always have her own nursery.
let's think of it as her "welcome to the world!" gift.
the following are photos of said nursery.
i really can't help myself... 9 months is a long time to wait.
i simply had to do something to help pass the time

 

   

perhaps it was a tad over redundant.. but right now the only thing 

i want to do is lock myself in here and not

come out until little miss arrives.

***sighhh

when is that again??

easter time

it came and went.

was your's as splendid as ours?

i mean all things considered.. i think we fared pretty darn well this year.

you see these little spring chickens of mine felt it necessary to be up with the sun.

literally...

it's a good thing that Easter Bunny hid those eggs the night before.. 

*please note the lack there of sunrise. it was freezing and damn early. 

 

but after all was said and done we all got gussied up for church, and things spanned out well from there. 

i didnt even let poppy's Elvis Presley hair damper my mood.

  

and then off it was to Bramma and Grandpa's for yet anther egg hunt. i'm telling you.. it was quite the day

i can't not mention the fabulous bash my parent's mom threw the day before.

egg hunt,

decilicous food,

great weather...

even dustin got to do a little winching with the new jeep.

wow.

 wow again...

ez.

and truly.. WOW .

i'm aware. it's time.

happy belated Easter weekend! 

now let us have a baby

just a snap

 

i'm at a bit of an awkward point in my current life. 

i can't wait for things to speed up, but somehow at the same time i need time to hold still.

 i feel my world is just about to turn around.. but what about the meantime?

 i don't know... i guess we just wait.

during a quick birthday photo shoot with the fabulous miss. gaga, my girls felt jaded and needed a quick snap of their own. that's all it was. a snap.

 even without looking i feel pretty lucky to call them mine.

big belly mama

 

well here she be.
 this may be the first belly shot i have taken this whole pregnancy. i just haven't been feeling it. third trimester has not been good to me. for example... i didn't get dressed and ready today until 5 pm. then i had dustin take a picture of me because i thought it was note worthy. i already feel like getting back in pajamas.
also... gus is still really cute.
 

this is what the nursery looks likes. it may look like this even after miss's arrival date.
who has the energy? pintrest may just not be the best thing for me.

and just incase you forgot... here i am one more time. 

i've started wearing maternity clothes. not because i haven't needed too.. but more because i was too lazy to. i know.. i know. but let me just bare my testimony of such blessed, beautiful things. see that shirt? if fits. incredible! 

here's to the expanding me

christmas in march

why are you acting offended by this? it's completely within my realm of normalcy to get around to things 3 months behind schedule.
 hello. you knew what i was when you picked me up.
awkward.
 well now that is out of the way.
let's remember Christmas 2011..



isn't this is a sweet picture of bramma and her grandbabies?
we spent our usual christmas eve with dustin's family and as usual it didn't disappoint.



cute cousins waiting for presents. i like the christmas tradition on dustin's side.
my girls love these boys.
really, they do.

 
treats for santa.



good news: he came.
bad news: my tree lights never make a full season.

 

mcnuggets sure were happy to find their loot awaiting them.
do you also love their peignoir night gowns? i was dead set this year on finding them. i grew up wearing them and never could quite get over the novelty of having a lacy matching dressing robe and gown. turns out neither can my girls.
poppy in her usual fashion, was up about 100 times (it seemed) during the night. she was so very careful  to make sure she arrived at our door fully robed each awakening. even through my frustration i knew she was dang cute. christmas will do that to you.



the pink guitar.
it's popularity lasted all of about 12 hours.



and the beloved "dancing baby".
 this was minie's golden item. she has wanted it since her birthday in July.
i have been against it since then.
isn't it a dumb doll? she has weird jointed knees and wobbles side to side in a very jerky manner to the beat of a VERY obnoxious personalized dancing baby song.
yuck.
why does santa come through with these things?


so there.
there is my christmas update. this post has been weighing on my mind for literally months .
you see.. other than these few snaps you're currently viewing, the end of december was not a good one.
it was always forecasted to be crazy. normal christmas crazy, pregnancy.. and we decided to move. big deal.
but worse and genuinely most difficult of it all was the death of my sweetest, so loved, so beautiful grandma Billie.

her health had turned, and we knew this was on the horizon. but her passing on christmas eve felt like an unsuspected slap to the face. dustin and i were literally out the door to visit her when i received the phone call she had passed. all of the sudden a gigantic hole was in my life. she had always been there.

this amazing and strong matriarch of the family. and then she was gone.

i haven't really known how to express what i feel. i am one of 6 children. we all feel her loss immensely. after her memorial i had no unique inspirations or memories. my own thoughts were all echos of everyone who loved and knew her. so i just have said nothing. how can i say anything?

 but it feels wrong because i love her so much. she was so much to me. everyday.

and life still moves forward. that is always constant. 

and for that.. after some contemplating.. i am so thankful. 

my life is happy, and blessed.

so i end this post with just one thing i want to always be remembered and jotted down. one thing that feels good enough. 

one i hope all who ever may read this silly blog remembers.

not the nightgowns, 

not the presents,

not the tree...

Grandma Billie... I love you.

so very much.