this post is for me. obviously.
who even reads this ghost town anymore?
i've fallen so far off the blogging train, i don't even know where to pick myself up again. but i miss it. i miss having some sort of "voice" (cheesy right?) for my muddled life. i really miss writing something that matters to me, and miss feeling like i have some connect to something. i don't even really know what that is... but for a good run there, blogging fulfilled something i can't quite pin point. every year for Christmas Dustin prints me up the blog. this past week i have spent many an hour re-reading the past few years of my life and it's crazy how i can immediately morph back into those moments as i read. they can still feel like they happened moments earlier, but then all at the same time feel so far away. i don't know.. it's weird. but what is SO insanely frustrating to me is how i don't do it anymore. that is, blog with a purpose.. blog about anything of meaning. not that i ever did really, but to me it was genuine and real. the first year of poppy's life has been my craziest ever. literally.. it was a doozy. but reflecting back, my life felt alive and meaningful. i felt more down to earth.. less vain, and actually felt i had clear mind. tired, yes. but it was much easier to pinpoint what was truly important. i was content with my home, content with my car... just over-all content if only my babies would sleep, and i could have some adult conversation. there was no time to fuss over anything else, and although i couldn't see it then, it was nice.
now listen... i know i still have babies. 2 and 3 years old hardly qualifies me for being out of baby stage... hell, we still have diapers and bottles roaming around these parts. but some things have changed... i have more "handle" on my life, events run much more smoothly, and even schedules can usually be predicted. so why do i feel a little lost? why do i now hate my house, and my car, and stress about stupid things like ugly hair, and messy clothes, and how i can eat healthier, and exercise more, all the while keeping my girls entertained? we are involved in more activities than ever..make more outings, etc. yet, i just can't really find the want to blog or memorialize any of it. isn't that sad? my girls are the world's most delicious. they are silly, and bright, and beautiful. but i just have not been feeling "it" lately. and i can't bare to write a post and pretend to be SOO excited about it. although i do enjoy all of those little things... i don't know. let's just rewind back to my "7 days of sunshine". even that couldn't last.. because it just felt pushed and insincere. and that is what i really think it is. i want sincerity back in my life. how did it sneak away? and where did it go? my life is full, and wonderful. please don't think i don't recognize that. i am happy. but i just have this constant nagging feeling of "blah". descriptive, right? that's the best i could do...
but there needs to be a shift.. and i am ready for a change.
can someone please tell me what the change is??
*sigh*...
that was a jumbled mess. wasn't it? hmm...
anyway... we do still have fun at the Jackson joint. so in an attempt to revitalize this blog, and my well-being..
here is what we got via camera on Valentine's
who even reads this ghost town anymore?
i've fallen so far off the blogging train, i don't even know where to pick myself up again. but i miss it. i miss having some sort of "voice" (cheesy right?) for my muddled life. i really miss writing something that matters to me, and miss feeling like i have some connect to something. i don't even really know what that is... but for a good run there, blogging fulfilled something i can't quite pin point. every year for Christmas Dustin prints me up the blog. this past week i have spent many an hour re-reading the past few years of my life and it's crazy how i can immediately morph back into those moments as i read. they can still feel like they happened moments earlier, but then all at the same time feel so far away. i don't know.. it's weird. but what is SO insanely frustrating to me is how i don't do it anymore. that is, blog with a purpose.. blog about anything of meaning. not that i ever did really, but to me it was genuine and real. the first year of poppy's life has been my craziest ever. literally.. it was a doozy. but reflecting back, my life felt alive and meaningful. i felt more down to earth.. less vain, and actually felt i had clear mind. tired, yes. but it was much easier to pinpoint what was truly important. i was content with my home, content with my car... just over-all content if only my babies would sleep, and i could have some adult conversation. there was no time to fuss over anything else, and although i couldn't see it then, it was nice.
now listen... i know i still have babies. 2 and 3 years old hardly qualifies me for being out of baby stage... hell, we still have diapers and bottles roaming around these parts. but some things have changed... i have more "handle" on my life, events run much more smoothly, and even schedules can usually be predicted. so why do i feel a little lost? why do i now hate my house, and my car, and stress about stupid things like ugly hair, and messy clothes, and how i can eat healthier, and exercise more, all the while keeping my girls entertained? we are involved in more activities than ever..make more outings, etc. yet, i just can't really find the want to blog or memorialize any of it. isn't that sad? my girls are the world's most delicious. they are silly, and bright, and beautiful. but i just have not been feeling "it" lately. and i can't bare to write a post and pretend to be SOO excited about it. although i do enjoy all of those little things... i don't know. let's just rewind back to my "7 days of sunshine". even that couldn't last.. because it just felt pushed and insincere. and that is what i really think it is. i want sincerity back in my life. how did it sneak away? and where did it go? my life is full, and wonderful. please don't think i don't recognize that. i am happy. but i just have this constant nagging feeling of "blah". descriptive, right? that's the best i could do...
but there needs to be a shift.. and i am ready for a change.
can someone please tell me what the change is??
*sigh*...
that was a jumbled mess. wasn't it? hmm...
anyway... we do still have fun at the Jackson joint. so in an attempt to revitalize this blog, and my well-being..
here is what we got via camera on Valentine's
what is v-day without a little Valentine breakfast?
even at 6:30 am
(gag)
this was her first ever Valentine school experience.
she was a fan.
this poor animal...
the girls saw this t-shirt in the dollar bin and they thought gus
should have it.
i agreed.
too bad this is all he did while wearing it.
he only kept it on all of an hour.
he is such a wimp.
so, see?
things are happening in my life.
i just need a good kick in the pants.
until next time,
brooke
6 comments:
well hell! seem's like were on the same page miss brooke! blah is right! i am living in blah! i need prozac, percocet a beer aaaaand sunshine aaaand you to come out to the north west already! geez... i miss you bff!
Speak, Brookie. I love hearing your voice. Winter will pass and all this will seem more interesting. Love you and yours! XO
I understand "blah"...just ask your sister...she has been dealing with my blah for nigh unto a year.
These funks, they come and go. Honestly, recognizing it is a great step towards coming out of it.
Hold tight to what really matters--don't forget to figure out what really matters first. ;O)
just keep posting. your voice will find you.
Your so not blah, keep your chin up gorgeous. Life isn't always easy. Life can be boring and dull and uneventful blog about that, Vacations and outing are great but we (Moms) really appreciate that other moms feel frustrated, bored, sad, sexy, ugly, fat, crazy, and even happy... so blog about all the good bad and ugly.. in 5 years you will look back and appreciate how far you have come!
Your kitchen is adorable - love those hanging lanterns!
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