nigh night

where have i been?
feeling exhausted..somewhere other than this computer.


why did i think switching minie to a big girl bed was a good idea?
i had two perfectly perfect cribs, snug and reliable bed times, two babies that slept gloriously through the night, a luxurious pillow top king size bed just nice and cozy for me and my man, and a life that felt i was infact in charge of.

and then..
one silly decision on a random night of changing her crib sheets we thought the new change would be fun.
the excited leap of transferring our first born to her first real bed seemed just right.
and yet...
it all come crashing down.
my all of the sudden perfect sleeper was terror on wheels. she was like a jack in the box.. i lay her down, only to have her pop right back up, crying and pleading for me to stay with her. we tried locking her back in to the crib thinking we could just erase our silly little move.. but to no avail.. her new found independence had taught her Houdini like magic of escaping. the bars served no purpose other than the extreme discomfort of trying to hold her hand while she fell asleep. as soon as that glorious moment of slumber arrived i would creep out of her room.. only to wake up to her at my bed side mere hours later. eventually exhausted, and defeated after weeks of such behavior she then started just sleeping between me and dustin... and enough said.
you can use you imagination of the downward spiral that continued from there. naps and bedtimes??
i don't even know the meaning.

let me just say..
an exhausted life is no life at all.
everything is muddled, nothing feels in control..
and well.
there are a lot of tears.
a lot,
a lot,
a lot.

and tonight
well, i am nearly sobbing again,
because i finally have caught on to something that might actually be working.

i have tried so much..
locking her in (she screamed, and kicked, and then always puked)
we tried drug inducing sleep (not my proudest moment.. )
we spanked,
we warned,
we did it all..
and we fought a lot because we were both so tired, frustrated, and generally out of control of the entire situation.

and then by chance,
on one of my many desperate internet excursions for a solution,
THIS found it's way to me.
and i love it so dearly.
because it works.
3 nights in, and my minie has been in bed, out cold by 8:30 pm... she is sleeping through the night, and NAPPING again.
and i don't feel like i am torturing, abandoning, or scarring her life.
Dr. Weissbluth's methods feel logical, loving, and educated.
and, did i mention..
THEY ARE WORKING.

i realize this whole hallelujah post may seem a tad premature.. but these past 3 nights have been dream boat lovin.
our bed back to ourselves. a 30 minute bed-time routine vs. the previous near 2 hours it took to settle the girls in.
my happy girl,
and just the over-all sense
that I am in control.

:)

who knows...
tomorrow things may have fallen apart.
i may be crying again, and life could feel doomed
but tonight..
well tonight life feels good.

and after all...
this little bed head smoosh..
well, she's worth it.
always.