A merry little Christimas

Wow...

I can't believe Christmas has already come and gone. It just flew by like everything else in my life right now.. Figures.

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It was a great Christmas, and we so, so, SO enjoyed having our little Minie to celebrate with this year. Christmas in our family is a bit of a marathon. For all intents and purposes, we really have Christmas two days in a row. When we were first married we divided the holidays up pretty even (usually an every other year type of thing), but Christmas is the doozy of the Holidays, and of course both of us wanted to spend it with our own family. Instead of arguing over it every year we just flat out do it with both. Every year on December 23rd we head over to the Jackson's and treat it like Christmas eve, making the 24th the Jackson family Christmas. After we spend the day opening presents, eating, and Christmasing about, we head down to my parents and start the whole thing over... It's a whirl wind. We're not sure how long we'll continue Christmasing with the families, but have a hunch our children won't mind at all to have Christmas two days in a row. I kind of like it myself... So here you go,

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Christmas 2007

This was Minie's big gift from Santa, the Little Superstar Sing-Along Stage . She absolutley loves it! Seriously she will sit at it and be entertained for immensely long intervals... kind of nice.

Who knew???

I told you she loves it. Look at that face...

Grandma Jonnnie Belle and her silly Christmas vest

My handsome hub


Dad, being cheerful as always on Christmas morning.

Oh Billum!

Cousins in Christmas PJ's

Miss Mins with her now pantented look for all photos..

Really, she can't make another face if she's going to look at the camera straight on.
I suspect it has something to do with the flash...

Christmas Jammies at Grandma and Grandpa Jackson's


Getting some loves from Grandpa


Cam, Leslie, and Ben on our Jackson Christmas morning.
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Sadly our camera died shortly after this shot, so we didn't get many pics at our Jackson Christmas. Thanks heavens are camcord was charged... I'm definately one for capturing the "moment" some how.

And last but not least, our dula.
He very pictuesquely fell asleep under the Christmas tree last night, signaling that Christmas was indeed coming to a close.
Remember when when you were a kid, and at about 6:00 pm Christmas night, the depression of it all being over would set it?... Yeah, I still get that. It truly is a wonderful time of year, and it always comes and goes to quick.
I hope all of yours was merry, jolly, and bright!
Merry, Merry Christmas!

Christmas Sunday

Satruday night could very well go down as one of our very worse nights we've had thus far with Minie. She was up about 6 times, and then up for good around 5:00 am, making her ready for her morning nap around 8:00 am. Usually following a night like that, we would forfeit even attempting making our 9 am church, but no, NO not on Christmas Sunday. I worked too hard on getting her dress, shoes, bow, etc. for that day, and we were going to make it! Not to mention it's always one of my favorite Sundays to attend...

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So here is the product of us rushing to make it to church...

Some how picture taking took priority to making it on time...

So we were late, and only made it through to sacrament.

Minie was a crab the entire time (good thing making us late left us sitting in the very back), and was so over tired she completely zonked out on the 2 minute drive home...

Some how something doesn't seem right...

Our hearts were in the right place.

Jackson/Schaar Christmas Parties

I have never met a family that does more Christmas celebrating than the family I married into. In the 3 years I've been around , there have been always at least 4-5 Christmas parties we attend on just Dustin's side alone. Honestly, it's a little crazy, and took some getting used to ( we only have one measly party on my side) but they are all usually a pretty good time.

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Here are a few pics I shot at the last two we attended. They are not labeled or to specific, but I have a lot of blogging to do here in the next bit.. So Sorry,

Please enjoy

:)

Ben is a huge santa fan

.Merry Christmas.

Sick Baby

My poor little baby.

She has caught something nasty, and it literally makes me hurt to see her like this. Wednesday she would hardly eat a thing, and by Wednesday night she was a completely different baby than we know. She cried, fussed, and fought any means of comfort we tried to give her. Her fever was about 101 and by Thursday morning it was up to 102. We took her to the doctor yesterday afternoon and all he could see was a red, red throat. He thinks it's only a nasty viral infection, which means we just have to wait out the storm. I hate it. Her fever is hanging around 101, and she is just not feeling well in the least. She woke up several different times in the night, moaning and whimpering, half asleep. When I got her up this morning, she was crying and didn't stop for almost 15 minutes afterwards... It breaks my heart to see her like this. She is my smiley happy girl... and all I have to ask is why? There is nothing more pitiful or heart wrenching than to see a baby helpless and sick.. especially when its your baby!

Anyway I just snapped this shot of her when I put her down for her nap this morning... doesn't she look sick even sleeping..

Poor Minsie... go away sick!

Let's hope she's better by Christmas..

Sad girl :(

necessary, or just cruel??

you tell me.

i've got some serious cheeks...

and i'm darling.

So what?

Christmas Cheer

Well I don't know how it happens, but for some reason when ever the holidays roll around I am absolutely terrible with my photo taking. Apologies all around....

But here is what I do have of one of the 4 parites we've attended so far this season. To be honest these pictures don't do it justice, but it's what I've got and I feel obligated to post anyway.

So here ya go,

Miss. Moodle with Nannie and Grandpa

Jude and Minie.
They are bound to be the bestest of friends

(until sissy comes along that is..)

Just a little gossiping.

Aunt "Leen" (thank you Lamoreaux cousins for the nickname) and Minie.
Eileen is going to watch Minie for a whole week in January while we go on a cruise, and already Minie adores her. I don't know if she could be in better hands!

This year the Williams party was at my Uncle Lee's new club. It was very different, and quite entertaining, but to be quite honest it was a bit much for Minsie. All the lights and music made her quite scared, and very cuddly.. something I didn't mind much at all.



Of course the Nativity.. Kenna and her crew of angels

Mark & Tiffani as a very beautiful Mary and Joseph

I love this picture of Jude... could he be cuter?

Oh yeah, and Trev, and they are shepards

Minie as the red headed baby Jesus.. I want to smoosh her

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Merry Christmas Williams side. It always stays interesting!

Brown Drink and Grabby Hands

About two weeks ago Minie really discovered her hands. We're not talking just looking at them and sucking on them, she full out knows what to do with those little suckers, and now grabs pretty much anything in reach. Which brings us to this picture...

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The brown drink.

If you know the Jackson's at all, you know that one is hardly seen with out a big cola in hand, and it looks like Minie may be falling into step...no, not necesarily a good thing. She will stop all to get a hold of your drink, and try with all her might to slurp some of that goodness..

**Sigh**

At least she looks adorable doing it..



*Disclaimer*
We never actually let her have any, so close all your mouths... We're not that bad of parents.

How it gets better....

Countless moments like this...

She heals me.

sadbye

today we have to say goodbye to our baby. i hate that the word good is in there, because there really is nothing good about this. we never got to say hello, or i love you, or you're beautiful, or i will never, ever stop loving you baby! this baby has already left though.. and i didn't even know it. i feel sad, and scared, and so guilty.

we went to our first "official" doctors appointment yesterday. i had been to my doctor before during this pregnancy, and had a ultrasound already, but this was the first one. you know, the one where they are all happy for you (even if you did just have a baby 5 months ago), and they give you that bag full of goodies, and say "Let's do another scan just to see that little baby". it was all a blur, and i'm so sad and ashamed to say i wasn't shocked when our doctor's smile dropped, and he was all of the sudden much closer to the screen, moving the probe much more vigorously at my sad, sad womb. he told us "I'm having a hard time finding this heart beat. I'm just looking for the right angle." i think dustin and i gave eachother the same look. it was all happening again. as he was moving the probe around i kept seeing glimpses of things that i hadn't seen before. our baby had a face, little arms, and little legs.. all still very rudimentary.. he still was bent over a bit. still had a little bit of a tail. still very beutiful. i then asked my doctor, "shoudln't this baby be moving around at this point?" he looked at me, sadness and recognition very apprent in his eyes, and simply just said, "Yes. Yes, it should be." he had me go for another scan in the next room over.. this other doctor had a more currnet ultrasound machine.. hopefully making it easier to confirm the worse. i left the room. left the bag full of baby and pregnancy stuff behind. we wouldn't be needing that this time.
as i got up on the other table, and lifted my shirt so this new doctor could do the scan, he looked at me very seriously and said, "You know there is a cause for concern... we are doing this because something isn't right." of couse i knew that. i feel like an old pro by this point. his scan was worse. his machine was better, and i could see all of those bean baby images much clearer.. it was so clear that our bean was gone. he just looked so sad in there.. curled up, abandoned and forgotten. my doctor then came in and tried to very graciously work out the rest of the details. he knew my history. he knew this was an unexpected pregnancy, and that i had had my doubts. he tried to tell me , "Please do not feel guilty, your fears and thoughts about this pregnancy had nothing to do with this.. these things just happen." but how can i not feel guilty?? i never really gave this baby a fair chance.

so in another couple of hours i go in for my d&c. i hate this procedure. i hate that they make me come to short stay surgery, and then wheel me very discreatly over to labor and delivery.. like this is something to hide from me, and the women there having their healthy babies. i hate leaving dustin when they wheel me to the OR, and i hate waking up not remembering much, and knowing my baby is gone. it's so empty.

i know this pregnancy was unplanned. it's true... i really didn't want another baby in june. but please, please believe me.. i wanted this baby. it was ours.. another one of our beautiful creations. i feel so sad for it. he or she was going to have the best big sister. i was finally okay with this... i was envisioning matching little red headed girls, with big bows, and big smiles. or a little blonde boy who would look like me and love his mama so much. but now he's gone.. and although i get back all those things that i thought i was losing when i found out i was pregnant, i now lose all of those extra loves, goos, smiles, and cuddles. and for that, i am heart broken over. i feel like i never gave this little one a chance. i'm so sorry baby..

so here were are. 3 out of the 4... i just keep thinking of my now 3 babies that have been lost. i just hope they are with eachother.. safe, warm, and happy. i hope they know that there mama, daddy, and sister love them so much and wish we didn't have to wait so long to be with them again. i'm going to be okay. i can do this, i have done this, and i have so much to be grateful for. i have my beautiful, precious minie to hold, and when she looks at me i know she knows these babies... i know she knows i hurt, and i know she knows she makes all this pain worth it. she makes it heal. she makes it better. she is our miracle and our blessing.

but on this day, we all have to say our sadbye.. and i think we all, even our sweet baby girl, are down and blue with that knowledge. i love you sweet little bean.. i will be there to tuck you in one day. please wait for me.

xoxo,
mommy

A new stage

We have sort of, almost graduated to a new stage... Riding in grocery carts! However, there are a couple stipulations:

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1. It must be a Costco dual rider cart

2. Jude must be the co-rider, helping Minie balance the sitting position

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Regardless, aren't these two just so cute? I certainly think so.

Also... if you ever get the chance, please ask Jude to say "reindeer".

You will NOT be disapointed.