i'm pretty sure i am a mean mom sometimes,
and i'm pretty sure 99.9% of the time it's because i am so tired.
but alas..
here i am.
on to my thoughts....
we have some mom issues down here on the home front.
as we are all now very aware, Minie is two.
at two, she STILL:
takes a bottle.
EEK..
TO BED.
double eek.
i know... i know..
but somewhere in the wish-wash of the past 2 years she turned from this darling chubby baby into this demanding, albeit adored toddler.
and to make things all worse, she is asking for her "baba" in between naps now. NO, i can say i don't give it to her (most of the time), but if she doesn't get the bottle she definitely gets the B..
which brings me to the next issue.
the B..
that thing is an appendage. we live and breath by the pacifier. don't even mention the thought of sleep without it, and a car ride??
no. WAY.
we've tried maybe a little half heartedly to rid her of such comforts, but at the end of the day she is winning.. mostly because i am REEEAALLLY tired, and sometimes ( most of the time) they just feel like battles not worth fighting.
now onto the topic of this exhaustion...
Poppy Louise..
sissy girl, WILL NOT sleep through the night.
she's up anywhere from 2-4 AM, and from there will only sleep if nursed back to sleep, and then only stay asleep if she is in bed, with me, in my arms. this was sweet for about 3-4 days there in the beginning, but now it's just plain tiring and giving me some major cricks in the neck, and only about 2 good hours of REMs a night.
HOW do I break this?
i know.. shame on me for not Baby Wising, or Baby whispering, or whatever..
it just is what it is, and i am ready for some help.
and another issue..
i want to be done breast feeding.
partly because i feel kind of done,
but mostly because i am ready for dustin to help out in the night..
is this wrong and selfish??
i kind of feel like it is...
but it's the truth.
minie was mostly bottle-fed.. she's healthy, AND sleeps like a dream.
(if anyone points out the small fact that she ALSO still takes a bottle i might cry... so just shh. )
so just as luck would have it,
Poptart won't even look at the bottle without screaming.
she had a brief toleration of it somewhere between 4-6 months,
but these days the mere sight of it anywhere near her body will send her into a fit of wails and gnashing of teeth .
in her mind.. breast IS best.
period.
*sigh*
i know she's only 8 months.. but.
i'm ready.
and to top it all off, little sissy Louise is scheduled to get tubes on wednesday,
and tonight i'm feeling extremely guilty about it.
am i jumping the gun?
she has had 4 ear infections in the past 2 1/2 months.
both doctors (our pediatrician and the ENT) were on the fence. both said it was up to me, that she wasn't in dire straights, but the it could be a good idea.
i just told them, "lets do it".
quite frankly i am tired of her being MISERABLE every other week.. and i was sure at the time it was the best decision.
but now i am second guessing myself, and i feel sick to my stomach when i think of her little body being limp while under general anesthesia...
I KNOW it's practically the worlds simplest procedure, and the chances of something going wrong are pretty slim..
but i am still worried.
am i a bad mom because i am jumping the gun with this?
am i a bad mom if i don't go through with this???
i don't know..
*sigh*..
i know this is dramatic.
but once again,
i admit,
i am dramatic.
any advice would help..
unless it's mean and rude,
therefore posing in all actuality as very unhelpful
:)
good night
25 comments:
I wish I could just come give you a hug. We had a doozy of a night tonight & frankly it was nice to read this post & realize we aren't the only ones that struggle & second guess ourselves.
My advice? Take things one step at a time. Don't tackle the bottle & the B in the same week...or Miss Poppy. Actually, I think I'd start with Poppy's sleep habits first...then at least you'll be well rested when you have to tackle Minie's? Will she take breast milk from a bottle?
And I have to admit that I've let both Zack & Livs cry their guts out to exhaustion {like when Zack stopped sucking his thumb}. A few tears {or loud, earth shattering wails in his case} isn't going to kill them. Just think...soon you'll all be sleeping better, which means you'll all be happy & rested.
Love ya! Hang in there.
I think we all have the "Am I a bad mom" moments. You know your kids better then anyone - so if you think tubes would ease her pain - then I say go for it. Even though it's hard with the anesthesia - it may be the best route in the long run.
As for Poppy not wanting a bottle - try her with a sippy. Dmitri's pediatrician recommended starting him on one at 6 months. It was slow going at first - but he took to it and has been off the bottle since 9 months. We just put his formula in the sippy.
I'd try a sippy with Minie too [if you haven't already]. Dmitri HAD to have a bottle to go to bed. But we gave him a sippy instead. He fought it for 2 nights - but now doesn't even think bottle.
Lol I'm not ready to take to sippy away though XD I don't care what people think.
But anywhos - those are my recommendations. Maybe you could bribe Minie with an awesome toy of her choice - if she ditches the binky? :)
Okay - there's my novel of a comment.
Oh - and we opted for the cry it out method at night. It sucked at first - but he caught on quick and now goes down fairly easily and sleeps through the night.
Lol I feel like a harsh mom writing all this....
brooke! you are sooooon not a bad mom! the very fact that you worry and want to do the right thing for your girls proves that (along with the fact that they always look so happy and it is totally obvious how much you and your husband adore them!)
ava is still going to bed with her sippy cup of milk (which lets face it is just the same as a bottle...) i have been worried about it, but at the same time, it makes her happy (and helps her fall asleep by herself) and i'm all for that! i have been trying to think of ways to get her to quit with it, but at the end of a long day at 8 1/2 months preggo chasing a toddler in texas heat, a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do!
i remember i was so done with breast feeding at 8 months & fortunatly ava was, too. she pretty much weaned herself and we moved on to bottles/formula. not sure what i would have done if she refused.
can poppy have juice yet? (isn't that terrible?! i can't even remember when kiddos can start having juice! gonna have to re-read some of that baby stuff i have to get ready for the next one.) maybe if you put juice in the bottle to try and get her to take it to start with?! is that a terrible idea...i just woke up so maybe i should think some of this through a bit....sorry if i'm spouting off bad info!
as for the tubes, you just have to go with your gut and if it's telling you go for it, then you should. we have had a few ear infections and they are absolutly no fun and make kids so miserable, so hard to see them like that. if tubes will help your sweet girl, then it's probobly a good thing?! but definitly a decision ya'll have to make for her!
well this turned into a long ramble...sorry! i just read your entry and am really relating to you (having a bit of a rough week as well.) just know you are definitly not alone...i think all mom's feel like this every once in a while...it's such a tough, but ver wonderful job, isn't it!?
take care,
amanda
Oh Brooke. You sound tired!
Now that I have managed to herd three kids through their first years of life, I feel SOMEWHAT qualified to say this: you're not gonna ruin anybody by a) letting them take a bottle to bed, b) letting them have a pacifier, even until they are like 5, c) stopping nursing when you are done even if they are not, d) sleep training or e) having tubes put in.
But that is a whole heck of a lot for YOU to manage all at one time, my friend! Welcome to motherhood!
Let's let Miss Minie be for right now. It would be better if you could sway her to a sippy, but it's not the end of the world if you don't. My own kids never took bottles, but when I needed to wean them, I moved them from the boob to the sippy filled with drinkable yogurt. Other mommy friends (doctors, even!) suggested using chocolate milk as a lure. Hey, chocolate milk still has health benefits, and it is gooood.
But like I said, if you don't tackle that now, you don't tackle that now. The only reason I would even think about it at all is that I know it could affect her teeth to drink in bed at night. For that reason, I would let her keep the binky at night, in the car, whatever and prefer that to the bottle. I have personal friends and a mom myself who let their children have the binky WAY after two, and it did far less damage than you assume. There is NO shame in a binky. She's only 2! Let that one go!
Okay, so Miss Poppy. I would get her tubes, because jumping the gun or not, repeated ear infections at her age can lead to fluid in the ear and possible hearing loss. So you know what? Justified either way. You can either say let's wait and see, or you can say worth a shot. No harm, no foul either way. This one of those mommy gut things, and if your gut says let's try tubes, do it, no looking back.
Since she is getting tubes, I would go ahead and nurse her through the surgery and recovery. But once she feels better, wean. And don't feel guilty. You know why they say to put oxygen masks on yourself first before you put them on your child in case of a drop in pressure on an airplane? Because the number one, most important ingredient to a happy, thriving child is a happy, thriving Mama. That's you. So if you say you're done and you need back-up, that's it. No doubting allowed.
If you want tips on sleep training, give me a shout out in your comments here. My first one was such a tough nut that when I found out I was pregnant again when he was 13 months old, he was still nursing ever hour on the hour in the crook of my arm in my bed. I had to hire a professional sleep trainer. They have those in L.A. She has a book and a website, The Sleepy Planet. MUCH gentler than Babywise of Baby Whisperer (I'm not a fan of those).
Sleep training is the best thing I ever did for my babies. They are confident, happy, champion sleepers.
You are a fabulous mother. Just the other day, I'm not kidding, I was somewhere with the kids and your blog popped into my mind -- the pictures of your little girls and the way your words just overwhelm with the love that you have for them. We all have our moments, days, even weeks. But you need to remember that those little girls know they are loved, and that's what matters most.
The rest are just details. And neither of them are going to go to college or even Kindergarten with the issues you are facing now. So take it as it comes. This too shall pass.
xoxo
Mama
Oh Brooke,
I've been there, done that, for so many years, tried so many things...I swear I tried it all!
My 22 year old has been sleeping in his own bed for years now, though he was once a "Poppy Louise" as was my 20 year old who NEVER slept through the night, NEVER! He would "cry it out" for hours and hours. No, I am not exaggerating! Yes, I did give up and let him sleep just as you have described. He's a great sleeper now, a good man, a fine missionary. I have to say my third was the best sleeper...but what's not an improvement on her brothers!?!!? I thought I finally had it figured out. NOPE, it was just her.
Then there's #5. She finally stopped sucking her thumb at seven and has no worse teeth than any of her siblings. She was my worst sleeper by far - night terrors.
Honestly, there isn't AN answer.
Just remember you are her mother and she is your stewardship and to *(@& with all the "proper" "wise" "healthy" whatever ways of doing what ever your doing.
And on a closing note, yes, a tired mother is a cranky, not always logical or consistent mother. Ease up on yourself. They grow up! The most important thing is loving them, doing your best and letting the Lord make up the rest. He will, I promise.
Hang in there!
Denise
My advice: relax.
You're great. You're kids have a wonderful mom. It's amazing how hard things seem at some moments and after you push through, you can look back and forget why it was miserable.
I do think you need your sleep and that little baby is plenty big enough to sleep through the night. we had the same issue with Charlie and we got earplugs and gave it about 3 nights. Since then, he's been sleeping like a champ.
Lizzy took a bottle at nap time and night until just a couple months ago and Jane took a binky until she was almost 4. They seem to just let things go when they are ready. So I guess that my rude advice is that you need to stop worrying about it and start giving yourself credit for being such a good mom.
p.s. Charlie is still nursing too. I'm SO done, but he won't even look at a bottle. He does take a sippy (fill it with yummy juice if you have to so that they are hydrated) and I've found that when I sleep at night and I only nurse him in the morning and before he goes down to sleep, I don't really mind it so much.
We are all bad moms going to hell I suppose haha. You obviously aren't one of them! You do what makes your chilren happy and I on the other hand do what makes me happy:)I'm very selfish that way. I can't give you any advice on the breastfeeding, I hated it. It was so hard for me and I think the fact that you've done it for 8 months is amazing. As for the bottle/binky. Malia had hers for a long time too and although it was difficult I just took it away and watched her cry for a couple of days and then it was done! Spanking threats are always good:) I think you're doing a fantastic job and they both are just so dang cute! Keep your head up
minie has a binki? despicable.
you know the kind of mother i am.
1. binki's until high school
2. midnight bedtimes
3. general anesthesia at least every 3 months
4. never nursed
5. juicey juice juice 24/7
and
6. i am not nearly as cute or talented as you
xo
I Love your sisters comment. I have a two year old that still drinks a bottle and there is no way I am taking that bad boy away yet. It saves me. Also I think I would suck a binki if it was socially acceptable. You seem like such a great mom.
Abe is 8 and still had a sippy cup of Hot Chocolate before bed. Yes I said sippy cup!!! For some reason it just tasted better that way he says. Bottle sippy cup, you'll be fine. 0-60 is hard to resist when she cries like that but just do it....ignore her....sleep! AS for the tubes, you know my opinion already...Better now than in the fall. They are inevitable, it will make life easier. I LOVE TUBES!!! 3 of my 4 have had them, Bob says if we have another baby when he/or she comes out we will just ask the docotors to put them right in. I love you. Come visit me, and Gwyn and I will watch them while you sleep, I swear we can keep them entertained.
Mama.. and everyone else.
I would LOVE specific tips on sleep training. LOVE them..
because yes, i have tried CIO a couple of nights in a row, and let me tell you.. this girl is determined AND loud.
third night in, i just gave up.
was the third night the trick?? please, don't tell me i missed it by -- that much!
thanks for all of your encouragement.
i DO feel better
i love you all mamas
:)
My only advice (and I haven't read any other comments so this might be the same) is to just stick with it. If you don't hold to your guns then your children will run your household. When I took claire off her bottle she cried for 3 days everytime I tried to give it to her in something else, but then she'd just go to bed without anything if she didn't drink it so eventually she caught on and doesn't mind it. I'd try those nubi sippy cups with the straw. Claire loves those and that's what she drinks her milk out of now. As for the pacifier, I wouldn't worry too much about that during a nap and the car, that's what I do for claire, but any other time I'd just never let her have it no matter how hard she was crying. It may seem abusive but just let her cry, even if she's on the floor, just leave her alone, don't give her any attention whatsoever, just ignore her. She'll come around and stop crying eventually. Try that or just try to get her attention on something else. Playing a game, skipping, going outside. Anything that will help her forget her binky, and she'll then get used to not having it.
As for your littler one, i'd just let her cry it out. That's also what I did for claire, and it was very, very, VERY hard to do but that's what it took. sometimes you have to keep in mind that it's better in the long run not only for you but also for your child. They learn to be more independent, which is good for every child, and you'll be able to relax more.
oh, and i'd get the tubes if i were you. minie will be much more comfortable, much more happy and who knows, maybe she'll want the bottle less since she won't be in any pain or feel any pressure. My guess, is the ear infections are putting pressure on her ears and the bottle and binky relieve that pressure. Does that make sense? Sort of like an airplane if you chew gum it makes your ears feel better.
And for poppy not taking a bottle, again, just don't offer her the boob ever and she'll realize that her only options is to take the bottle. it'll be sucky but you have to stick to it, don't EVER give in, not even once, 'cause then they know they have the upper hand and won't give up until you give in.
oh brooke. so much to say...but only a second to write. you may recall my sweet hayden didn't sleep through the night until he was three. his newborn baby sister slept through the night a full year before he did. i nursed him every three hours until he was two...when I was also nursing said newborn sister. the culprit of his sleep issues? EARS. That was it. Once they were taken care of, he started sleeping like a normal person. And it was fastastic. Tubes very well may save your life. Hayden is on set 5 now and I can't tell you enough how imperative these are to his well being. Poppy will be fine. I promise. I think you are going to be really happy in the end.
PS--you are the best mom in the world. It's no lie.
And Kennan is the freaking funniest person in the world as well. Thank you Kennan.
So, you just might be in exactly in the same situation as me right now. My 2 1/2 year old still takes a bottle before his nap and before bed. I have come to actually accept it and who cares what the books says! I figure if it helps him fall asleep what the heck! I am all about easy! I figure some day he won't want it but I am not in the mood to deal with it right now. Now on to miss Avery who has now started waking up at least 3 times a night. Very frustrating because she used to sleep all night! I don't know what the deal is. Oh, and she sleeps in a swing. Don't get me started. I have tried the crib and yes she will sleep in the crib maybe for an hour so I always revert back to the swing. And I am so done with nursing too! I actually tried to give her a bottle today and all she did was chew on it! What I did with Jack (around 9 months) is I gave him juice in a bottle until he got used to sucking on the nipple and then just went cold turkey to formula. I don't know if it will be that easy with Avery but I am going to try. So this wasn't much help, just rambling, but at least you know that there are people out there who are dealing with the same issues!
just try to hang in there in be patient. believe me, if you REALLY get desperate to fix any of those little issues, you will. you can even do them overnight if you are desperate enough. no one is going to die if you just stop giving bottles, "B"'s, and breasts! Meh. you'll have drama, but it will be worth it in about a week, maybe two.
Oh, and we got tubes in Jake's ears because he really needed them. I had all the same worries, but I am sooooo glad that we got them. And the procedure was easy breezy for Jake. I would just suggest having Dustin do it all. I just let John do it all, and when my baby got home he had tubes in his ears, and I didn't have to see it!
BUT, you know. Who am I to give advice. I'm a struggling mother of two as well.
...pardon my blog intrusion, and for possibly repeating what 17 other people already told you (I'm too lazy to read what everyone else said) but hi...my name's Val and sometimes I'm a mean mom too...and guess what makes it is that makes me mean..when I don't get my sleep! If mom isn't happy no one is happy! So problem #1 that needs to be fixed here is you need some sleep. Here's some things that have helped me survive night time mommyhood. #1- BOTTLES! I stopped nursing Max at 6 weeks because I needed Tyson's help at night (that is #2), there was just no other way around it! I was the only child in my family who my mom breastfed, the nurses guilt tripped her into trying it because they told her I'd be smarter and healthier. Well, I am definitely not the smartest Bean, and I am the one who has had the most health problems too (asthma, allergies, several surgeries as a kid, etc.). #3- EARPLUGS! they are annoying to get used to but I sleep so much better. #4- I TRY to let Max only nap for 3-4 hours during the day. And the earlier he gets his two naps in, the better.
I would say for sure do the tubes for poppy, that is probably one of the reasons she isn't sleeping well, and when a doc says the decision is up to you, it's bad enough to be fixed! Anyway, hope this helps you and poppy get some sleep, once you get your sleep you can start to tackle all of the other problems (if they can even be called that) that you are worried about. Best of luck to you!
Hey, me again :) I wrote my comment earlier this morning in a hurry so I could go run errands, and I was thinking while I was gone...I didn't mean to make it sound like your problems aren't anything to be worried about, the last thing I like to hear when I'm worried about something is "don't worry about it"...because the fact is, I AM! Anyway...All I meant was they aren't life and death kinda things. You get what I mean, right?!
Fact is...
You are a great mom!
I actually wouldn't have a problem if tubes were a newborn procedure done in the hospital before you ever even take your baby home! Tubes have changed Jax's life...and mine! I was so sick of going to the doctor every other week, forcing medicine down him like every day, and trying to deal with miserable nights due to ear infections. Jax didn't start talking or responding to me "when he was suppose to" due to ear infections. Now with tubes, he is doing great. I think tubes are the greatest!!
As for the bottle...no advice. Jax goes to sleeo with a bottle. I was so paranoid about it, but now I just brush his teeth before bed and then stick in the bottle! :) Best of luck!
So much advice, so much experience...it makes me tired! You, my dear, are one of the best mothers I have ever known. Quit doubting yourself and trust your instincts. They are impeccable!! (And get some rest.) Love you, XOXOXO
We're not getting much sleep around here either. Boo. Hopefully the tubes help Poppy. Don't beat yourself up over getting them--it seems totally routine and could put an end to some of your issues, so it's worth a shot.
And, we're still fighting the binky and sippy-to-bed issues here too. I figure that kids must grow out of these things on their own at some point given that you don't see adults running around with binkies and bottles. For now I'm picking my battles.
do you like how we don't comment on people's blogs until they ask for opinions and then of course they need ours??
Here is goes from me...
let her keep her binkie and bottle and tackle that once Poppy sleeps through the night and you aren't exhausted all the time. We have better things to feel guilty about than that :). We tried to take J's away 4 times, I think, and then wondered why we were torturing ourselves. He finally gave it up though.
I am a HUGE fan of the Baby Whisperer (Tracy Hogg). I have used it with both kids and they have been great sleepers. I really believe that you have to train kids to be good sleepers. I like her method because you don't let them cry it out. That said, the training kind of sucks, but two hard weeks that mean good sleep thereafter seem like a good trade off to me.
It isn't for everyone, but I thought I would throw it out there. I don't function without sleep and it has been my life saver.
Good luck. It stinks to be tired and I feel for you.
So I haven't read any of these comments so maybe this has already been said but something that I have found that helps Ammon sleep is if he has layers of cloths on. I would put a light jacket and pants on him on top of his PJ's. I know it is summer but he would wake up at less once a night until he was 14 months old because he was cold. I was going crazy thinking that I was doing something wrong and one night I tried it and it worked!! Since then he sleeps at less 13 hours or sometimes more! I have no idea if that is the problem but it's worth the try.
If that doesn't work you just need to let her scream. It sucks, i know but maybe if you get a fan to help with the noise it might work.
Good luck with everything. I'm sorry you have to go through all of this but it looks like you got TONS of advice so I hope something will work.
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