st. pattys and the farm

it didn't feel right to not do something on this springish holiday, so off to the farm we went.
truth be told, minie over-heard me telling some friends we should plan a day to go in the next couple of weeks and then got it in her mind we were headed there immediately.

it's been a while since we've been, so i didn't much mind it.
this season is not complete without several trips to see those moo boys.
so i say anyway...

i adore this one.
here she is, in all her poppy self.
yep.. that is her on-demand smile.
live it, love it, learn it.

my girl.

this little pet is near to impossible to snap a picture of.
she WILL not hold still.
thank the heavens for a zoom.

looking for "budgs".

oh poppy...
dustin in known in his family for a signature childhood move known as "the flop".
it's essentially an immense temper tantrum that results in an immediate dramatized collapse to the ground below.
{un}fortunately poppy has inherited this lovely trait in all it's infamous glory.
she however has added some new tricks and throws in a good round of convulsing, rolling, and kicking.
this particular show was because i told her we needed to put her bow back in.
lovely.

somehow we've become a family..
that hits me every once and a while,
and well..
i like it alot.
:)

happy march 17th..
and my mad skillz of blogging!


two days in a row..
hoot, hoot!

my favorite things about the last 4 days are the following...

the spring display at the Bellagio.
there is a reason i named my daughter after such a spunky flower.
don't they remind you of her?
she was always destined to be my poppy.

this book.
fabulous.
it has consumed me the past 3 days.
i loved it. it was one of those candy reads.. and a great reminder of why i don't read as often as i would like. i am the world's worst mom/wife.. nothing gets done, and
also..
it has me thinking in southern maid slang...
saying things like,

thing gone be my fav'rit 'otel theres is out there.

lame?? yes... but i can't help it.
and... it's true.
the Bellagio is my favorite.
whose isn't it?

60 degree weather and park days..
*sigh*
finally they are arriving.
even if it is just for a minute.

and of course..
these baby girls.

it's good to have favorites :)

what about it?

i know. this blog is being neglected. and i hate it. really, truly, honestly i do. every day the guilt gnaws at me just a tad bit more, so here i am updating with not really much to inform.

i don't know. i have just felt a little blaw. here is the big (or not so big.. you be the judge) surprise. i fight clinical depression. it's a mild case.. nothing earth shattering, and nothing debilitating to my life. but i do.
it hasn't always been the case.... i generally like to describe myself as an optimistic, happy-go-lucky type of gal. in fact, i sort of pride myself on being this person, and feel like i do a pretty good job of being that girl about 80% of the time. i guess just as i have gotten older, gotten a little more "life" under my belt, tried my hand at this adult thingy, things get me down.. lower than what i am told to be normal, and then i get a fist full on anxiety to boot.. and well, i'm one scary mama, and an even scarier wife. this has been going on since poppy's birth... and trust me my sweet baby love, this has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with hormones, and genetcis. you are joy. sunshine, happy, and perfect all wrapped in one. YOU could never bring me down.
anyway, 9 months postpartum after the norm of "baby blues" didn't go away, and those darn anti-depressant commercials seemed to be playing my life out in form of commercial before my eyes, i got help. and LUCKILY (or not so lucky i suppose), i have a huge support system. you see depression runs in the family.. rampant really. once i got past the initial frustration of admitting i actually was struggling, it felt so good to talk about it with my mom(s) (both sets :) ), sisters, friends, husband and know they understood. know they didn't judge me or look down at me.
and well.. now, 1 zoloft a day keeps the scary away.
mostly. sometimes i still feel just.. down. uninspired, bored, exhausted, nervous, and generally just yuck. but then i go and thumb through that one special adult dictionary and realize that is just the definition under "mom". there are others there too... you know. the good ones that keep us all going at this thing. and i guess that is just the point.
sometimes life isn't all rosy and perfect. and it also isn't all doom and gloom... it's just life.. a tad boring. expected, and unexpected all at once.
i know this is no earth shattering epiphany. i am like number 27,500,056 when it comes to originality on this whole speal.. but this is my blog after all,
so it feels like i am number 1.

anyway.. there was a really long explanation to where i have been. on the downward swing of things. i have hardly picked up my camera, and i hurt all over a little bit because of this. i'm not really sure what happened there. but i miss it. i miss taking pictures of my kids.. miss hunting down the good light.. just generally miss it. the poopy thing about photography is that just like anything else you have to work for it. long gone are the days that i feel like i can just pick up a camera and snap. my brain doesn't function that way anymore. i feel like i need to work out my angle, get the decent light, capture the emotion, AND somehow have decent eye-contact with my toddler subjects. and if i somehow acheive all that.. then it's on to photoshop. which i have a serious love-hate relationship with. why does is have to make my photos look so much cooler? why does it have to be so simple, and then so complicated, and then FOUR hours later produce what i love? i'm telling you.. it's work. a lot of it. albeit enjoyable. so i do intend to pick that up again. stay tuned.

the silly thing about all of this, is that however dull life my seem, i do have so much to tell.
i am so in love with my girls. they change so much every day, and i promise you, are the most adorable things this side of the Mississippi. poppy is just flat out, DELISH. seriously, the girl melts me. she has this raspy, little voice that just chirps around the house all day long. ALWAYS sports a head full of crazy hair, and has the worlds silliest teeth. i'm in love.
minie is a little devil. but the cutest little michief, so as you may guess, gets a way with murder. remember all of those things you tell yourself you will NEVER do when you are a parent? oh, that's right.. i do them all.. and then some. me says get yourself a 2 year old, and then we'll talk.

i don't know.. i wish i could write all of the little things i adore so much.. but as par for course, time is limited, and my brain feels like mush. but i want to do better. i will do better.
after a quick visit to my 89 year old Grandma today, i of course walked away feeling the need to better myself. Johnnie Belle has always been one to be in-tune with the spirit, but i swear-to-you -dammit .. the older that woman gets, the veil gets thinner and thinner. most quotes from her are pretty much directly from God himself... so when she told me today, "brooke.. you must write it all down. you must remember it somehow. it is all important." i took it more than just a subtle hint.

i hope this is isn't too depressing. i realize i just blog vomited all about.. but that's what happens when you hold it in. one big, long boring post, and NO photos.
i apologize.

hopefully i can take this blog by the reins and keep it interesting.

until then,

xo

brooke

ps.
tomorrow is my birthday. :)
i will 24. that sounds really young, but feels really old.
like perhaps a 4 in lieu of the 2 is more appropriate? i don't know...
however, i do know our childless weekend in Vegas may change that.
we shall see.
happy birthday to me!

you are seeing right..

yep.
those are acrylic press-on nails my 2 year old is sporting.
i realize how creepy it feels to look at that baby hand with sparkled white-tips.
but what can i say?
sometimes her requests are just too darn silly to not submit too.

we get grocery store treats.
every. time. we go.
if anyone out there has figured a better way than bribing to make it through those delectable outings.. please let me in on the secret.

SO,
as you might have guessed our last trip produced these little beauties.
mins found them all on her own and insisted they be hers.

she's crazy, and 120% girl.
a bag of any type turns into her purse,
make-up (chapstick) must always be in said purse,
princesses and barbies are found in everything and anywhere,
if it's sparkly, tacky, and pink she loves and adores it,
and should a bow should fall out? well that's ground for tears.
*sigh*...

when talking nature vs. nurture i used to ride much
more on the nurture side of the argument...

having kids has maybe changed my tune.
because i definitely know acrylic nails and hannah montana were not on the docket for my child rearing ambitions.

it's a good thing dustin likes girls...
in this house there is more than enough to go around.

my dear baby minie,

xoxo sweet lady girl

i love you forever and ever.

-mama

update

i've thought about it.
we should be able to hibernate all winter long. why can't we?
really... nothing sounds better to me right now than to wake up and have spring here. we've all been sick for about 2 weeks straight..
enough said.
me being the truly great parent i am, refrained from taking the girls to the doctor. i never know when to make that judgement call.. finally after 14 days of mucus puke, coughing fits, flowing green snot noses, and 3 AM wake-up calls i took MINIE in. turns out she had flaring sinus/ear infections... probably should have guessed that seeing as poppy's ears were gooping green nasty for a couple of days, because you know.. when one has it, so shall we all. also turns out the draining ear garble needs to be checked out and treated. i learned the wrong way. i thought that's what the tubes were for? nope... ear infections STILL can happen. *sigh*.... she was taken to the doctor a couple of days later, and now we have so much amoxicillin flowing through the home you can practically taste the yeasty bubble-gum flavor as you walk in the door. but alas, all is well. things seems to be on the mend. THANK heaven for modern medicine. :)

that all sounds a tad depressing doesn't it? don't worry... it is not all doom and gloom. dustin had a crazy work/school schedule this past week, so after a mild prompt from this lady, the girls and i were in the car headed south. we spent the week in sunny st.george with our favorite sugar babies. and it was heaven. did you know it was pushing 7o degrees there this past week? are you aware that my girls were wearing short sleeves, capris, and played at the park every day?? ahhh... it was sublime. i should move there. wait. i am moving there ( no.. not really). not to mention how i love sneaking in on robyn's life. it is busy.. basket ball, school, singing lessons, dance lessons, scouts, spelling, homework, meals, etc. ect.. but somehow she makes it look easy, and always makes it fun. and how i adore all of her friends! i feel like i want to stop calling them her friends, because really.. i love them so much, they should be mine too :)
we all thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.. even in the midst of the illness. thank you rob for the sunny, fun week. i love st. george, and i love you.

*SIGH**

so here are some photos... as you may have guessed,
no
i haven't really taken many pictures as of late. seems my mojo has indeed decided to hibernate, and my will to even pick up the camera is waiting for the trees to bud and bushes to blossom. it makes me feel rather guilty really.. but such is life i suppose.

here is what we have:

a valentine breakfast.
we were in the thick of sickness, and it shows.

poor girlies... pink heart pancakes couldn't even bring them out of there sicky-ness.
at the time i thought these photos quite festive. especially the one of minie eating straight butter from her pancake..
but now they just sort of break my heart.
i hate having sick kids :(


the work of minie:

she seems to be the only one who takes pictures these days.
and as she should...
as i was clearing up my memory cards tonight,i felt mighty impressed with her talent. hats off to you my moodle moo.
and yes, i've been known to throw a pose or two for the camera when shes behind the lens..
what? don't act like you haven't done it yourself.
:)

here is to me updating and the little renos being on the mend!
yay!

the poppy walk

that's right.
we are now a household full of walkers.
it feels nice.. and just the tiniest bit sad.
i've found this to be the case with almost every milestone i reach with my children. i've been dying for poppy to walk for months now. she has been on the brink of it since November and finally last week she just stood up and took off. as that darling little smoosh plunkered off with out me, my heart broke just a little. just like that she is a toddler.. not a baby any more. and that is sad. isn't it?
however,that waddling little diaper bum sure is scrumptious. i missed out on minie's first steps. she literally started walking the day poppy was born. i watched a few wobbly steps from my hospital bed.. and then all of the sudden fast forward 3 weeks after i was done with narcotics, my mom's help, and some intense sleep deprivation i actually woke up and had this little toddling big girl. and as silly as it sounds i felt horrified i wasn't really a part of that gigantic transition in her short life.
needless to say i am thoroughly enjoying my littlest lady's new talent. she and minie all of the sudden play together. minie loves to chase her around and around the couch, and poppy loves to be chased. they are quite the pair those girls..
*sigh*...
i just love my family.

have you read about bronson ?
kennan found his tragic story through a friend's blog, and had asked, as i do too to round up any and all prayers for this little man.
i can't explain it.. but the whole story has really affected me. i check for updates several times a day, and almost always have him and his family in my mind.
perhaps it is because he is poppy's exact age.. and his older brother is minie's exact age.
perhaps it's because i know this could very well happen to me.
too many times i have slipped out of the bathroom while the girls were bathing to attend to something or other "real quick".

i don't know... but i really just want him to be okay. it gives me hope as a parent, for some reason i can't really pin point.
all i know is that my girls have been given many extra squeezes, loves, and a much more attentive mother. we are so blessed to have healthy children. i literally cannot fathom my life without either one of them. they are the reason i exist.
just give your babies all the loves you can muster.

being a parent is incredible.
i love watching my babies grow.
i love the looks on their faces when the discover something new.
a lot of the time the job is really hard..
but more often it is just really, really, REALLY wonderful.

sometimes that fact gets lost..
but tonight it is all that is on my mind.
and i will try all i can to make it stay.

xo,
brooke

to this man,

you are the love of my life,
and
you wear 29 so well.

happiest birthday my hub.
i love you.

maternity

literally an hour before paige's flight left we hurry quick and snapped these.
not bad for an impromptu photo shoot, eh?

i love baby bellies.

She's having a baby

today was paigey's baby shower.
all week i have been prepping.. attempting sewing a baby something or other, testing out my new Cricut, and coordinating details with my mom and sisters.

i have been thrilled from the get-go with her news, but it wasn't until this week, in midst of all the sewing and crafting specifically for baby B that i realized how truly excited i am.
paige and have always been close. although different in almost every way, we just get each other.
we are only 15 months apart , and from a very small age we have shared everything together.
almost.
i suppose i didn't even realize something was missing until these past few days.
finally we get to be mothers together.
and it is SO fun.
she is going to be an excellent mother. her perfectionist attitude is going to throw my own mothering skills to shame.. and well, this baby boy is one lucky little man.

it was a joy celebrating his soon to be arrival.

cute pregnant sister.

the most delicious cupcakes.
ever.
and my mom made them from scratch.

she also whipped up this amazing crib bedding as well.
yes, she is just kind of amazing like that.

my new Cricut creations.
those machines are amazing.
and i don't even scrapbook.

me and pajama

i love you sister,
congratulations.
a million times over.
i can't wait!

swimmers

so upon even further thinking, i've decided i hate winter.
really, i don't like it.
i used to think i did...
but those were much crazier, childless days.
luckily we've discovered a smallish way to beat our seasonal depression..

swimming.

it's our own little taste of summer,
and it feels glorious to pretend those fluorescent pool lights are actual true sun rays.
really, minie makes it very convincing.

it also helps that target already has their delicious summer swimmers on SALE.
i mean, truly... this swimsuit?
pretty darn adORable,
right?

the babes go crazy, and CRASH afterward.
and NO,
there ain't nothing wrong with a 3+ hour nap.

however... this crazy plum may have our pool days limited.
she is insane in the water.
insane. like on crack cocaine insane
and it's probably a little questionable i attempt to watch and care for two babies alone in large bodies of water.

but did i mention how depressed we've been feeling??

i don't care how hard it is to dry and shower everyone up afterward, how cold it might feel outside, or how much i hate smelling like chlorine for days after.
it is well worth it and i'm not giving up my pool days.

feeling those winter blues?
i dare you to go swimming.
i'm just sayin'...

baby come back

well...

i fell off the blogging wagon for a bit. sometimes it's just too easy
january. i hate you.
who needs this gloomy, dingy, muggy weather anyway?
whose bright idea was it to place christmas RIGHT before this horrific time of year?
there is no gradual let down.
one minute holiday cheer,
the next ... depressing dragged out days of gray.
january.. bad, bad idea.

anyway.. that is where i've been.
wallowing in a my own form of self pity, just waiting for a fruitful happy moment to present itself.
luckily i live with to incredibly adorable children so i'm awarded lots of sunny spells in my gloom :)

i promise i will to try do better

you can blame it all on me.

xo

nigh night

where have i been?
feeling exhausted..somewhere other than this computer.


why did i think switching minie to a big girl bed was a good idea?
i had two perfectly perfect cribs, snug and reliable bed times, two babies that slept gloriously through the night, a luxurious pillow top king size bed just nice and cozy for me and my man, and a life that felt i was infact in charge of.

and then..
one silly decision on a random night of changing her crib sheets we thought the new change would be fun.
the excited leap of transferring our first born to her first real bed seemed just right.
and yet...
it all come crashing down.
my all of the sudden perfect sleeper was terror on wheels. she was like a jack in the box.. i lay her down, only to have her pop right back up, crying and pleading for me to stay with her. we tried locking her back in to the crib thinking we could just erase our silly little move.. but to no avail.. her new found independence had taught her Houdini like magic of escaping. the bars served no purpose other than the extreme discomfort of trying to hold her hand while she fell asleep. as soon as that glorious moment of slumber arrived i would creep out of her room.. only to wake up to her at my bed side mere hours later. eventually exhausted, and defeated after weeks of such behavior she then started just sleeping between me and dustin... and enough said.
you can use you imagination of the downward spiral that continued from there. naps and bedtimes??
i don't even know the meaning.

let me just say..
an exhausted life is no life at all.
everything is muddled, nothing feels in control..
and well.
there are a lot of tears.
a lot,
a lot,
a lot.

and tonight
well, i am nearly sobbing again,
because i finally have caught on to something that might actually be working.

i have tried so much..
locking her in (she screamed, and kicked, and then always puked)
we tried drug inducing sleep (not my proudest moment.. )
we spanked,
we warned,
we did it all..
and we fought a lot because we were both so tired, frustrated, and generally out of control of the entire situation.

and then by chance,
on one of my many desperate internet excursions for a solution,
THIS found it's way to me.
and i love it so dearly.
because it works.
3 nights in, and my minie has been in bed, out cold by 8:30 pm... she is sleeping through the night, and NAPPING again.
and i don't feel like i am torturing, abandoning, or scarring her life.
Dr. Weissbluth's methods feel logical, loving, and educated.
and, did i mention..
THEY ARE WORKING.

i realize this whole hallelujah post may seem a tad premature.. but these past 3 nights have been dream boat lovin.
our bed back to ourselves. a 30 minute bed-time routine vs. the previous near 2 hours it took to settle the girls in.
my happy girl,
and just the over-all sense
that I am in control.

:)

who knows...
tomorrow things may have fallen apart.
i may be crying again, and life could feel doomed
but tonight..
well tonight life feels good.

and after all...
this little bed head smoosh..
well, she's worth it.
always.